A Little Bit of Fiction In Your Life

FanFiction to be Exact


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Secret Counterpart
lulu
leejaehwa7

Title: Secret Counterpart
Author: leejaehwa7
Fandom: EXO
Pairing: Kris/Luhan, fake!Kris/Lay, past!Xiumin/Luhan
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Luhan meets Wufan and falls in love instantly only to find out later that he’s being deceived by Wufan who is leading a second life.

A/N: I just had the urge to write Kris and Lay as pornstars because they look too damn perfect together. And I can’t help making Luhan this sweet, innocent, self-deprecating fool who overly understands and is completely in love. Oh…I suck at titles…ugh!



            After exiting the coffee shop, Luhan sees him at a distance, standing a head above the passing crowd while passively looking at the newsstand before him. His dusty blond hair is perfectly coiffed in an array of strategically placed strands and paired with his name brand clothes and height, anyone one think he walked straight out of a manga. That’s what Luhan wanted to believe because he had never seen anyone so stunning and in that moment, he stopped and stared like a complete idiot in the middle of a crowded street in Beijing during rush hour. Because of his inability to pull himself together, this leads to him being pushed and shoved, inching him closer and closer to the newsstand and this dream guy. The crowd acts as a supporting friend, encouraging him to approach the aloof stranger and make a move.

            Luhan’s mind is so confused in the moment; he doesn’t realize just how close he is to the guy and just how badly he is stumbling. In the end, he loses his footing and like a scene from a drama, he spills coffee down the front of himself and subsequently splashes the stranger in the process. The whole event is completely mortifying and he wishes he could wake up from this dream turned nightmare, but the coffee stain down the strangers white shirt is already setting in.

            Unexpectedly, the beautiful stranger who seems so indifferent and cold to the world around him gazes down at Luhan with a smile and brushes off his apologies with an offer to buy him another drink while they clean themselves up. Luhan doesn’t understand because the spill is his fault and he should be the one offering assistance, but he can’t recover from seeing all this stranger’s flawlessness up close.

            “Umm…I…I’m…” Luhan stutters, mentally kicking himself for being so inarticulate in such a crucial moment.

            “You’re cute,” the stranger says laughing, causing Luhan to turn red at the compliment. The guy debates on whether or not to wipe his hands on his pants, but since they are already stained anyways it doesn’t really matter, so he ends up wiping them before offering a hand to Luhan as a greeting. “I’m Wufan.”

            “Lu…Luhan,” he replies shyly, staring at their connected hands. “Sorry about the mess.”

            “It’s okay,” Wufan says, keeping hold of Luhan’s hand and leading him back to the coffee shop. “Are you okay? You got the worst of it.”

            “Oh, no. I’m fine, just a bit…” He trails off as Wufan opens the coffee shop door and steps to the side, holding it for him.

            “After you, Luhan.” Acting the perfect gentleman, he waits for Luhan to enter before following behind him.

            This whole scene becomes even more unbelievable when Luhan is guided to the one-stall bathroom. If being close to the alluring stranger on a crowded street was nerve-wracking, then being alone and locked in a bathroom with him makes Luhan feel like an unarmed gladiator in an enclosed arena facing a lion; he’s nowhere near prepared for this. He knows he’s going to come out of the arena with his heart crushed and no way to repair it.

“Are you sure you didn’t get burned?” Wufan asks, still worrying about Luhan’s condition. He kindly wets a wad of paper towels for Luhan to use before preparing his own. Of course the stains on their clothes won’t come out completely, but it doesn’t hurt to try.

“No, I’m fine,” Luhan assures him. “Sorry about your clothes; they look expensive. I can pay for the cleaning.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’m just glad you’re okay.” He lightly wipes Luhan’s cheek, removing a spot of coffee and surprising him in the process. “I think sacrificing a pair of clothes is a small price to pay for meeting a beauty like you.”

Luhan couldn’t bring himself to look at Wufan. His words are too flattering and in such close proximity, Luhan is all too aware of the varying decibels in Wufan’s voice.

As Luhan struggles for words, Wufan tosses his paper towels in the trash and says, “I’ll go buy you another drink, while you finish up.”

Once he’s alone, Luhan braces himself on the counter and exhales a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. His heart rate fluctuates as he recalls Wufan’s smile and the touch of his hand, so large it easily wraps around his own. He wants to feel that hand again. Luhan wants to use it as a buoy for the rest of his life with Wufan helping him stay afloat.

He doesn’t know Wufan at all, and yet, his entire being tells him that Wufan’s the one, the guy that changes everything. He’s the guy who’s going to pull Luhan out of his sinkhole of failed relationships. Something in Luhan perceives this unexplained greatness in Wufan and tells him not to screw up this fortuitous moment because he may not get another chance.

Luhan pulls himself together enough to go out and face Wufan only to become discombobulated even further when Wufan is waiting for him at a two-person table with his favorite drink, a vanilla caramel latte.

“I forgot to ask. I hope it’s the right one. I was choosing based on the smell from the previous one.” Wufan smiles innocently, but it contrasts with the rest of his face and he ends up looking confused, which causes Luhan to laugh.

He breathes in the steam of the drink before sipping cautiously. “It’s perfect,” he reassures Wufan. “But I really think I should be the one offering you a drink.”

“You can buy me one next time.”

“Next time?”

Wufan suddenly looks unsure of himself, a stark contrast from his original cool visage. “That’s if you agree to go out with me.”

“Are you asking?” Luhan musters up enough confidence within himself to remain calm, even though his stomach is fluttering and his heart is kicking at the underside of his chest. Everything is happening so easily and so fast. Wufan is giving him exactly what he wants without making him work for it and Luhan finds this unbelievable because Wufan looks too good to be true and there’s no way someone like him would want to go out with a guy like Luhan.

Wufan nods, looking a bit more confident himself. “Will you go out with me, Luhan?”

The sound of his name rings in his ears and he nods in agreement, finding it hard to talk again. They spend a bit more time together, exchanging contact information with a promise from Wufan that he would call with the time and location for their date. By the time they leave the coffee shop and return their regular schedules, Luhan forgets how damp and destroyed his clothes are, mind too focused on Wufan in an attempt to keep him real and not just a figment of Luhan’s vivid imagination. He thinks he should go home and change before heading to his next study session.

It takes about four dates later and many phone conversations for Luhan to acknowledge that Wufan is in fact very real and not some made up character he’s constructed to make himself happy. Their relationship excels quickly as they get to know more about each other. Luhan is a university student, studying music and language. Wufan goes to school part-time and works as a model with occasional acting jobs, which explains the high-end clothes and flawless looks. They live only a few blocks from one another and frequent many of the same shops, but their varying schedules kept them from seeing one another before that fateful day at the newsstand.

They always spend time together at Luhan’s when they don’t feel like going out. Wufan tells him that he has a roommate and doesn’t want to disturb him and since Luhan lives alone, it makes sense that they hangout at his place. After a few months of dating, Wufan has become so well acquainted with Luhan’s apartment and their clothes share equal amounts of closet space much like they live together, which they practically do considering Wufan sleeps over most nights.

It may be too soon for most couples and in retrospect it was probably too soon for Luhan and Wufan too, but Wufan officially moves into Luhan’s apartment just four months into the relationship. They cohabitate so easily, acting like a newlywed couple, unable to keep their hands off of one another in the privacy of their home. Luhan’s in love and he’s sure Wufan feels the same way because they tell each other repeatedly both verbally and physically. They make love all the time, on the bed, on the sofa, in the kitchen, in the shower, everywhere. Luhan is sure he knows every degree of Wufan’s body. They spend hours counting each other’s freckles between the sheets and admiring the tender planes of each other’s skin. He likes the tattoos on Wufan’s upper arms, dragons that dance as his muscles flex. Luhan examines, studies, and memorizes every move, look, and sound Wufan’s body makes. He likes to replay Wufan’s music in his mind as he composes new tunes for his classes.

In all the time they are together, Luhan doesn’t think much on the fact that he never met Wufan’s old roommate or that he never set foot in Wufan’s old apartment. He doesn’t think much about the fact that he has never seen any pictures of Wufan’s modeling or any shows containing Wufan as an actor, even though Wufan has multiple jobs and a busy schedule. He just doesn’t think to ask about it because Wufan doesn’t really talk about it, says it’s a bit embarrassing.

Luhan just assumes Wufan works for a small advertising company or does catalog modeling, which is why he never shows up on large advertisements. He doesn’t understand why an advertising company wouldn’t show Wufan’s face to the world because he would definitely be a great marketing asset for any product. A part of Luhan is happy though because Wufan’s lack of exposure means Luhan can keep Wufan’s beauty to himself. If Wufan were famous, it would be rather difficult for them to be together, which is a thought Luhan really doesn’t want to dwell on.

But everything changes around six months into their relationship when a friend of Luhan’s invites him over after class so they can work on composing together. They plan to pair Luhan’s skills on the piano with his friend’s skills on the guitar for a simple acoustic melody. Their work is coming along, but time passes quickly and before he realizes it’s already dark out. His friend wants to take a break and offers Luhan a snack. They’ve known each other for the past three years since entering university, even had a fling together, but that didn’t last long.

“I should be headed home soon. It’s getting kind of late.” Luhan packs up his composing notes while Xiumin sits on his couch munching on trail mix.

“Do you have to leave so soon? We rarely hangout anymore.”

“Wufan will be home soon and it’s my turn to make dinner.” Luhan finishes and sits on the couch beside Xiumin grabbing a handful of mix before shoving into his mouth, a lot hungrier than he thought he was.

“C’mon, just hang for a little while. I got a new video and I haven’t found anyone to watch it with me.” He pouts and effectively deters Luhan from leaving.

“Fine, but only for a little while.” Luhan rests on the couch while Xiumin pops in a DVD and turns on the television. Not knowing what to expect, Luhan is shocked as the main menu pops up and naked men appear on the screen. “What is this?”

“It’s the newest AV from the platinum selection. I was lucky to find it because they usually sell out. These guys are the best.” Xiumin grabs the remote and clicks play.

Luhan shakes his head and moves to stand. “On second thought, I really do have to get going.”

Pulling him back down on the couch, Xiumin begins whining, knowing Luhan can’t resist. “We never spend time together. I thought we were best friends. It’s not fun watching porn alone.”

Despite his better judgment, Luhan agrees to watch only for a little while and makes Xiumin promise not to try anything if he gets excited because they are strictly friends and Luhan is perfectly happy being tied down to Wufan. This isn’t the first time they’ve watched videos together, so Luhan shouldn’t feel uncomfortable, but the churning in the pit of his stomach is telling him otherwise.

The video starts off by only showing the bodies of two guys as one straddles the other on a typical kitchen chair. The movements their bodies are making show signs of them kissing, but the angle of the camera never leaves their midsection. Even as they slowly undress and grind against one another, their faces remain hidden as if prolonging the viewer’s ecstasy at seeing the actors in all their glory.

Luhan wants to look away, but he finds himself mesmerized by the body of the male sitting in the chair. There is something vaguely familiar about his arms and torso. The ways the muscles flex on the long appendage are reminiscent of Wufan’s, except they are missing the small dragon tattoos. This attracts Luhan, making him think about how Wufan’s arms feel linked around his waist as they share long, drawn out kisses.

A grunting noise from one of the men startles Luhan even further. It’s too familiar to his perfectly tuned ears. The resonance of it both in sound and memory causes his lower half to twinge in excitement. But this isn’t the time for him to grow excited because something is definitely wrong if he’s hearing and seeing Wufan in this video. He’s clearly not sexually deprived and he doesn’t need to imagine Wufan doing such things, so why is his mind playing tricks on him and making him visualize Wufan in this moment.

The camera pans out and the bodies of both men are revealed. The dark haired one on top is thin and beautiful, with a light, lilting voice as he whispers to the man beneath him in between kisses. The other is blindfolded and grinning as he accepts each kiss, eagerly waiting for more. His hair is a familiar dusty blond. Those drooping lips that stretch across a gummy smile as the dark haired guy trails kisses down his neck is an image that Luhan knows too well to think this could be anyone other than Wufan.

He can’t handle the image any longer and the content sighs hurt his ears as the video version of Wufan tilts his head back and clings to the waist of the man in his lap. It’s too much for Luhan, so he rushes to the TV, quickly blackening the screen and opening the DVD player to retrieve the disk. Finding the case, he places it inside before stashing it in his bag and saying, “Sorry, but I’m taking this with me.”

“Wait!” Xiumin takes a moment to grasp the situation. “What are you doing? It was just getting good.”

“I have to go and I need to take this with me.” Luhan doesn’t want to explain that the guy in the video looks too much like his boyfriend. He doesn’t want to put it to words because that would make it real and right now he’s trying to tell himself that he’s being delusional thinking Wufan is the lead character of a porn video.

“You can’t! I haven’t even watched it yet and that video cost me a lot of money.” Xiumin tries to stop Luhan before he hits the entranceway.

“Fine, how much?”

“What?”

“How much was the damn video? I’ll buy it from you.” Luhan really just wants to leave.

“It’s not for sale.” Xiumin remains stubborn and confused. “What’s going on?”

Digging into his pockets, Luhan pulls out everything he has, which is around fifty dollars. He shoves the cash into Xiumin’s hand. “Here, go buy a different video.”

“Wait, Luhan? What’s wrong?”

“Sorry, I don’t have time to explain. I just need to go.” He passes through the front door in a rush, shoes barely on his feet as he stumbles to the elevator, clutching his bag that contains the confiscated merchandise. The whole way home he tells himself that it’s not Wufan because Wufan wouldn’t have the kind of job that would put him in an adult video. He tells himself he’s hallucinating and that anyone would imagine the actor of a porno to be his lover. It wasn’t uncommon to have such fantasies when you’re as in love as he and Wufan are with one another, especially not when the actor has similar characteristics of the person you love.

Luhan gives himself an entire internal monologue about that not being Wufan in the video and yet, a large part of him knows that it very well could be Wufan. His heart knows that the guy blindfolded in that chair, holding onto another man that isn’t Luhan, is too strikingly similar to Wufan for it not to be him. It makes even more sense considering Wufan’s secrecy about his jobs and not wanting to share that part of him with Luhan.

But Luhan can’t resist the urge to confirm his suspicions even further, so when he gets home and finds that Wufan isn’t there yet, he pops in the DVD and fast-forwards the video. With each passing moment, the reality strikes even hard as he notices even more similarities between the actor and his Wufan. He sees freckles in the same spots. He hears moans that he thought were only meant for him. He witnesses all the small, loving actions that are shared between this video-Wufan and his undeniably perfect partner, so perfect in fact that Luhan begins to wonder if he’s really good enough to be paired with someone like Wufan. It has always been a question on his mind from the very beginning and seeing video-Wufan with someone who matches him so flawlessly adds another sting to his ego and even more pain on top of this life that Wufan was hiding from him.

The click of the door opening pulls Luhan out his stupor. He rushes to hide the video, keeping the secret from Wufan. He isn’t ready to confront his lover at the moment. He doesn’t want the crack in his reality to grow any further, afraid it might shatter completely.  

The two greet each other like always, with a warm hug and a long kiss after being separated during the day. Only this time it feels different because Luhan knows. For some reason his senses are picking up small traces that he had never noticed before. The scent on Wufan’s clothes wasn’t that of the detergent Luhan used and Wufan’s cologne was now mixed with another, sweeter scent. Luhan wonders if it had always been there and if he was too blinded by Wufan’s presence to ever take notice of it.

“What’s for dinner? I’m starving.” Wufan asks, holding Luhan after their kiss.

“Oh, no. I completely spaced out and forgot to start cooking.” Luhan pushes away from Wufan, easily accepting cooking as an excuse to separate, but Wufan keeps his grip and pulls Luhan into another hug.

“It’s okay, we can order takeout since it’s already this late.”

“No, I can cook something quick.” Internally, Luhan feels like a trapped bird, frantically trying to find an exit. He flapping and flapping while getting nowhere.

Wufan holds him firmly, kissing his forehead and resting his cheek atop Luhan’s crown. “But I don’t want to let you go. I can’t hold you like this if your busy cooking.” He breathes into Luhan’s hair, sighing contentedly and Luhan’s reminded of the video and the way video-Wufan sighed when the other guy reached into his pants. This isn’t what he wants to think about right now.

Trying to act normal, Luhan forces a laugh and pushes Wufan away. “Stop being silly and let me cook.”

Regrettably, Wufan releases him and follows him into the kitchen to watch as he starts preparing the food. “So, what are we having?”

Luhan busies himself with work and refuses to look at Wufan while he speaks. “I’m not sure yet. Maybe chicken stir-fried rice. We need to use the vegetables before they go bad.”

“Sounds good to me. Need any help?”

“No.” Luhan realizes too late that he’s being a bit short with his words and Wufan notices.

“Is something wrong? You seem a bit distant.” Wufan watches him carefully, reading his body language and Luhan knows he’s not being convincing.

“Just a lot on my mind, I guess. Nothing to worry about.” He forces a smile at Wufan, trying to make it look casual but the crease in Wufan’s eyebrows tells him he’s failed.

“You want to talk about it?” He’s being kind and considerate as always, but Luhan can’t help wondering if it’s all an act.

“No, I’m fine.” Luhan goes about washing and cutting the vegetables. In an attempt to change the subject from himself he asks, “So, how was work today?”

“Busy,” Wufan says, propping his elbow up on the kitchen table while watching Luhan. “We modeled on three sets today.”

“Oh, sounds interesting.” Luhan leans against the counter, tasting one of the carrot sticks he’s just chopped up. “Will I ever be able to see your mysterious modeling work?”

Wufan smirks while making his way over to Luhan who has now turned back to the counter to cut up some potatoes. He snakes his arms around Luhan’s waist, lips now dangerously close to Luhan’s ear as he says, “I’ve told you. It’s embarrassing.”

The feel of Wufan’s lips nipping at his ear gives him mixed feelings. He wants this, needs this reassurance from his lover, but at the same time he can’t stop thinking about who else those lips have touched, the body parts of others that they have found purchase on. He knows Wufan’s had boyfriends. It’s common knowledge that Wufan’s had sex before, that he’s been with other people, but Luhan’s never had to see it. He’s never had to face that reality of putting an image to the faces of Wufan’s past and possibly present. It’s one thing to know your boyfriend’s been with other people, but it’s another to witness it first hand, to see those lips that are supposed to belong to you caress another person’s skin. It’s something completely different when there is a possibility that your boyfriend has not only been with others, but may continue being with other’s even as he is with you.

Luhan feels cheated and betrayed. His skin crawls as Wufan feels him under his clothes and kisses the back of his neck. He hates this feeling. He wants to push away again, but he can’t because he doesn’t want to lose Wufan’s touch. Luhan punishes himself as he lets Wufan embrace him, all thoughts of dinner out of their minds as they find themselves wrapped in the sheets of their plush king-size bed. He accepts Wufan’s touches, asking them to help him forget about the images he saw earlier and reassure him that Wufan’s his, that Wufan truly loves him.

When they’ve sated their hunger for one another, Luhan presses himself closely into Wufan’s chest, acting like a child who’s just woken up from a nightmare. He wants to be consoled by those strong reaffirming arms of Wufan’s. He doesn’t want his dream to end yet because he’s only just found his happily ever after.

Wufan senses the worry in Luhan’s body, unable to comprehend where it’s coming from. All he can do is hold onto him and whisper I love you like always.

Luhan doesn’t know how to confront Wufan about the video. He keeps it to himself for weeks, hoping that Wufan doesn’t show signs of conspicuous actions. He refuses to watch the video again because it hurts too much to see Wufan enjoying himself with another man. He’s too scared to see those images and be reminded that he doesn’t know as much about Wufan as he thought he did.

But curiosity gets the better of him, when he decides to pull out the DVD once more. He doesn’t watch the video. He just wants to examine the case, to see if there are any clues to who these people really are. The back description names the actors as Kris and Lay, probably stage names to protect their identities.

Luhan decides to search for them online, remembering that Xiumin had said they were a popular couple. His search results in high numbers of webpages. Removing the safe search option, he goes to the images section and is bombarded with Wufan’s face as he poses, both clothed and naked, with the dark haired male from the video. There are tons of images of them together, doing so many things to one another, things that even he and Wufan hadn’t done yet. Some pictures show them simply smiling at one another in such an intimate manner that anyone would think they were a couple. Other pictures show much more vulgar and risqué poses of them interacting with one another, bodies connected and fluids intermingling.

The shock keeps Luhan staring at icons upon icons of picture results. He scans the pages, his heart hurting more and more as he repeatedly confirms the images of Wufan doing indecent things with another man. Already hurting, he decides to continue his search by clicking on an image and entering a web page dedicated to the Kris and Lay couple. There are photos and videos clips. He finds a page of merchandise dedicated to the two men. It seems that Wufan is the character Kris and Kris had made dozens of videos with Lay, most of which were sold out according to the webpage.

The more Luhan searches, the harder it is for him to look away. His image of Wufan is now shattered completely as Kris takes over. He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until the tears begin to blur his vision and leak onto his hands. He covers his face, sobbing into his hands as he tries to recover from this final blow of deception that the online search serves him.

In the end, he deletes his browsing history and stashes the video away once again, all the while wondering how he is going to face Wufan turned Kris in his mind. He still can’t figure out how to confront Wufan. He doesn’t know what to say or how to bring it up. A part of him hopes that Wufan will come clean himself, will share this secret with Luhan without being prompted by a confrontation. Luhan wants to believe Wufan will be honest with him. He needs Wufan to be honest with him.

The end of the week comes and Luhan’s on his usual route home from school when he sees Wufan walking further ahead down the street. He’s carrying a grocery bag and seems to be moving in the same direction of their shared apartment, but he passes by the building. Luhan doesn’t mean to follow him, but he can’t help himself. He’s afraid of where Wufan may be going.

Only a few blocks past their apartment building, Wufan enters into another, much pricier estate. Luhan can no longer follow him, but that doesn’t stop him from moving across the street and watching the building from the front window of the café there. He orders tea, but doesn’t drink it, too focused on the entrance across the way. He feels like he’s losing his mind when he sees Wufan leave, accompanied by his video partner. They turn to the right, walking in the opposite direction of Wufan and Luhan’s apartment.

Luhan’s heart clenches, choking him in the process. He can’t breathe. He receives another stab when he witnesses this guy, this Lay link arms with Wufan and rest his head on Wufan’s shoulder as they continue down the street. They look like happy, completely at peace with one another. Their profiles exude that of a loving couple, much more than friends and the perfection of that image makes Luhan’s head swim with thoughts of not being able to stand beside Wufan the way Lay does. He feels even more inadequate than usual.

A part of him is angry at being deceived, but another, larger part of him didn’t feel he had a right to be so upset because he clearly isn’t the right partner for Wufan. It seems ridiculous for Luhan to think this way, but he’s not the type of person to blame others for his own mistakes and he feels he was mistaken when he accepted Wufan’s advances. He knew from the beginning that someone like Wufan was too good to be true. Someone so handsome, so kind, and so caring can’t possibly be interested in someone as broken as Luhan. There’s no way Luhan could be capable of making someone like Wufan happy; it’s just Luhan’s imagination getting away from him and now reality is finally showing him what he was too blind to see from the very beginning. Wufan’s not the perfect guy that Luhan created in his mind. Even though Luhan’s subconscious knew this, accepting the reality of it still hurt.

He didn’t follow Wufan and he didn’t return home. He wouldn’t be able to face Wufan at all now. Instead, Luhan went to Xiumin, the one friend who had stayed constant over the years, even after their breakup. Xiumin knew instantly, having been in this situation numerous times before when Luhan found himself alone and needing consolation. Usually Luhan tells Xiumin everything, confiding in him his sorrows, but this time he just wants to be held, needs to feel security from someone he can trust. They end up lying on Xiumin’s bed with Luhan in his arms, crying himself to sleep. It’s heartbreaking for Xiumin to see his best friend this way and being unable to do anything more for him. He wishes he knew what to do, how he could help.

Luhan alternates from the bed to the couch for an entire week, hardly eating, not washing, and not caring about anything. He ignored all the calls and texts from Wufan, not bothering to charge his phone once the battery died. Luhan thinks his heart died a little when he heard Wufan’s special ring tone each time he tried to contact Luhan. This is the worst Xiumin has ever seen him after a breakup. Luhan fell so hard and fast for Wufan, that it makes losing him so much more difficult. The whole situation is starting to wear on Xiumin’s nerves because he’s tired of seeing Luhan beat himself up over someone who probably isn’t worth it.

“Luhan?” Xiumin waves his hand before his friend’s face. “Luhan, can you hear me?”

Somewhat dazed, Luhan turns his head to look at Xiumin, his eyes not focusing completely. “What?”

“What have you eaten today?”

Luhan shrugs his shoulders, while wrapping his arms tighter around his leg as his knees pressed into his chest for support.

“Luhan, you can’t keep doing this. It’s not healthy.”

Laying his head on his knees, Luhan doesn’t say anything.

“When was the last time you showered?”

Luhan shrugs again.

By this point, Xiumin is losing his cool. He can’t continue giving in to Luhan because he’s upset. If this keeps up, Luhan may enter into an inescapable depression and Xiumin wasn’t going to let that happen again. He can’t afford to let it happen again because when Luhan’s hurting, he’s hurting and right now watching Luhan act like a broken doll is giving him chest pains.

“That’s it. C’mon,” Xiumin says, trying to pull Luhan up off the couch. “You’re taking a bath and then you’re going to eat something.”

Using all the strength he can muster, Luhan fights against Xiumin. “I’m fine,” he says falling to his side in a ball.

“Look at yourself. You’re not fine,” Xiumin’s voice rises. “You’re hurting. You’re upset. I don’t know why because you won’t tell me, but you are clearly not fine.”

Luhan blinks a few times while staring up at Xiumin. This is the first time Xiumin has yelled at him in years.

“How am I supposed to help you if you don’t talk to me? Do you know how I feel seeing you like this? Do you know how much it hurts me?” Xiumin is on his knees in front of Luhan. He places a hand on Luhan’s cheek, reaching out to him. “Please, Luhan. Let me help you.”

Luhan blinks, this time with tears. “I’m sorry. It’s all my fault.”

“You always say that, but it isn’t true. Why do you keep blaming yourself?” Xiumin combs through Luhan’s hair with his fingers.

“I shouldn’t have trusted him. I should have known it was too good to be true,” he mumbles, more to himself than to Xiumin.

“What happened?” He pets Luhan’s head gently, reassuringly.

Luhan coughs, rubbing at his face as the tears pour out. “He was hiding things from me. He had someone else. He…he…they were…” Luhan can’t bring himself to finish and Xiumin doesn’t force him because he’s heard enough for the moment and right now it’s more important for Luhan to be washed and fed. Xiumin decides he’ll ask for more later, afraid to push Luhan too far at the moment.

Over the next few days, Luhan tells Xiumin everything, about the video, the website, seeing Wufan with Lay. He talks about how he feels and how hurt he is and how he can’t face Wufan again because he’s afraid of being hurt further.

Xiumin understands. He feels horrible for being the one to expose Wufan, but he also thinks Luhan should at least talk to Wufan because talking helps solve misunderstandings and this could all just be one major miscommunication between them. Luhan doesn’t want to hear reason, but he knows the truth in Xiumin’s words. He just needs some time to build up enough courage to face Wufan. He doesn’t want Wufan to see him all broken and upset. At the very least, Luhan has to go back to the apartment because all of his things are there and it was his home before it was Wufan’s, so Luhan has every right to go back if he wants to.

At the end of his second week of hiding out at Xiumin’s, Luhan struggles with his resolve to enter his own apartment, wondering if Wufan will be there and what will happen between them. He doesn’t know how his body will react because his body usually does things without his minds approval.

Luhan opts to knock instead of using his own key. If Wufan is home, he doesn’t want to walk in unannounced for fear of seeing something he doesn’t want to see. There are footsteps on the other side of the door. He can hear the locks coming undone before the door slides open revealing the face of his nightmares.

“You must be Luhan?” Lay asks smiling.

This can’t be happening. Luhan mentally snaps, barging through the door and pushing Lay aside. “Where is he? Wufan!” He passes through hall looking into the kitchen and the living room seeing no sign of the man in question. He moves into the bedroom, spotting Wufan splayed out under the sheets sleeping.

Seeing Wufan like this gives him pause because something’s wrong. The man of his dreams doesn’t look the same. He looks spent, completely exhausted. Luhan can see the dark circles under his eyes. He notices the beads of sweat and the cool compress lying next to Wufan’s head, probably having slipped off as he moved in his sleep. His red nose and the wads of discarded tissues show signs of a runny nose. Cold medicine is hidden behind the mess along with empty bottles of water and a cup of what looks like tea on the nightstand. Wufan is much weaker than Luhan’s ever seen him and his heart shutters, dispelling his previous surge of anger, replacing it with concern.

“Can we talk?” Lay asks quietly, standing in the doorway.

Luhan nods and follows Lay into the kitchen. He’s angry, hurt, and confused but he remembers Xiumin’s request of at least allowing Wufan the chance to explain and since Wufan wasn’t in a state to speak, the next best person was probably Lay.

“Would you like some tea?” It disturbs Luhan how well acquainted Lay is with his home. Lay must notice Luhan’s discontent because he apologizes. “I’m sorry for intruding on you home like this.”

Luhan accepts the tea because it gives him a distraction. He watches Lay as he moves about the room, pulling a cup out of his cupboards and the kettle from another. Lay knows which black container on the counter holds the tea and which has the sugar. He sets the ingredients on the table and pours a cup of water for Luhan.

“I’m sorry. I haven’t introduced myself. I’m Yixing, a friend of Wufan’s.” He sits at the table across from Luhan.

“I thought you were Lay,” Luhan says, dipping his teabag into the steaming water.

Surprise crosses his face as Lay lifts his elbows to rest on the table, subsequently propping his head on his hands. “So you did find out. No wonder you’re angry. I kept telling him to be honest with you.”

Luhan stares at his cup of tea, unable to acknowledge the truth that Lay or Yixing is giving him. “So are you two…” He trails off.

“Co-workers,” Yixing answers. “Wufan and I work together. It just business, nothing else.”

“And what exactly is business?”

Yixing sighs. “Wufan really should be the one telling you this.” He pauses sipping from his own teacup as if he’s having an afternoon chat with a friend. “Well, Wufan and I are models, actors really. We film together, kind of like set partners. From the beginning we decided not to work with anyone else.”

“So you two…”

“Have sex,” Yixing finishes matter-of-factly. “We get paid to have sex on camera.” He and Luhan stare at one another as the statement sinks in. It’s getting hard for Luhan to breathe as he watches the man who does intimate things with his Wufan sit comfortably at his kitchen table, using his dishes and his tea.

“You make pornos together,” Luhan says to reaffirm what he’s been told.

Yixing nods.

“So every time Wufan goes to work, he’s doing those…things…with you.”

Yixing nods again, waiting for Luhan to regain his senses.

Luhan runs his fingers through his hair, becoming more and more agitated. “So he’s basically cheating on me with you.”

“No, there’s nothing romantic between us.” Yixing wants to reassure Luhan that he and Wufan don’t have that kind of relationship. “We are simply business partners. Wufan’s in love with you. He has no feelings for me at all; besides, I have a boyfriend.”

“What?” Luhan is becoming more confused now.

“Wufan’s nice, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t like him like that. We just feel comfortable working together.”

“How does that even make sense? How can you be okay having sex with someone you don’t love?” Luhan doesn’t think he could ever do it. Giving your body to someone is akin to giving them your heart and he can’t carelessly let his heart go to someone who doesn’t appreciate it. He knows how painful it is when someone doesn’t treat your heart properly.

“It’s not that difficult.” Yixing shrugs, crossing his arms and leaning back into his chair. “Not if you need the money.”

“That’s just an excuse.”

“Not for someone who’s desperate. You’d be surprised at what you would do if you’re hungry or you need to support your family and part-time jobs don’t cover expenses. I won’t say I chose this career, but I’m not ashamed of doing what needs to be done for my family and neither is Wufan. If you ask me, we were lucky to find each other.” Yixing barely bats an eyelash as he justifies his and Wufan’s actions.

Luhan suddenly feels so tiny in Yixing’s eyes, so inexperienced in the world around him. He’s never felt the desperation Yixing talks about because his family has always been well off. Wufan never appeared to be struggling. Luhan just assumed he came from a wealthy family considering his expensive clothes and nice apartment building. Wufan always shows Luhan how capable he is of taking care of him, but Luhan never realized that Wufan might need to be the one receiving the care.

“You know, Wufan wanted to tell you, but he was afraid you wouldn’t give him a chance and when you left so suddenly, he was devastated. Why do you think he’s so sick?”

The truth crashes into Luhan like a rouge wave of emotions. He’s still upset at being lied to, but he can’t seem to put the blame on Wufan. A part of him understands why Wufan would hide the truth and Luhan played his part by not asking Wufan to tell him more about his job. As always he was beginning to feel guilty for judging Wufan too quickly, but the proof in the video had pushed past all his reasoning senses; of course, he would get irrationally mad when seeing his lover with someone else.

“Luhan, he really does love you.” Yixing reaches across the table taking Luhan’s right hand. “I know I can’t apologize for him, but I hold a lot of blame for this situation. I’m sorry for making you doubt his love.” He squeezes Luhan’s hand, giving him a dimpled smile before letting go. “Wufan quit his job a month ago because he felt guilty towards you. He stayed to help me earn money because I was only comfortable working with him, but in the end, you were more important. He’s been working two part-time jobs since then.”

He hangs his head in thought. Luhan’s understanding side begins demonstrating great strength because the anger from having been lied to and deceived slowly dwindles down as he thinks about how Wufan’s struggled during their entire relationship to be good to Luhan while hiding his own problems and insecurities. “I just wish he would have told me.”

“Would you have given him a chance? If he had said to you straight up, I’m a pornstar. I get paid to have sex with men. How would you have reacted?” The more Yixing speaks, the more Luhan understands how great a friend he must be to Wufan. Luhan has a weakness for seeing only the good points in people, but he can’t seem to find a fault in Yixing’s honesty, even if the sight of him brings back painful images of their counterparts Kris and Lay.

“Maybe…I don’t know.”

“Are you going to give him a second chance now?”

“I need to think about it,” Luhan answers honestly.

“I can understand that.” Yixing stands and moves to the sink, rinsing out his cup and placing his dishes in the basin. He leans against he counter facing Luhan. “I guess I can leave him in your hands now. He’s been sick for the past few days. He didn’t eat much this morning, but he’s been drinking a lot of fluids. Just make sure he eats something later and takes another dose of medicine.”

Luhan smiles despite the emotional tornado taking place in his heart. He thinks he likes Yixing, at least he accepts his role in Wufan’s life just a little bit more than before.

As Yixing exits the kitchen, Luhan follows. They end up at the front door and Yixing places his hand on Luhan’s shoulder giving him a few pats. “Don’t think for too long? It’s okay if you make him suffer a little, but don’t keep him hanging.” They meet eyes. Luhan’s widen as Yixing laughs at him. “You’re cute. I can see why he likes you so much.”

As Yixing leaves, Luhan lingers in the entranceway, debating on what to do next. He wants to delay meeting Wufan, so he goes about cleaning the apartment; it’s grown dirty over the past two weeks. He finishes the kitchen first, before hitting the living. Takeout containers and instant noodle cups cover the coffee table. The pillows are barely up righted on the sofa before he hears a stirring from the bedroom.

Wufan’s coughing and wheezing worries Luhan, so he grabs a fresh bottle of water from the kitchen and another cool compress in case Wufan needs it. He’s still has his eyes closed when Luhan enters the bedroom. Approaching the bed, he perches on the side placing the back of his hand to Wufan’s forehead checking his temperature. It’s much higher than normal, so Luhan brushes Wufan’s fringe aside and places the compress on his forehead, hoping to give him a bit of relief.

Being this close to Wufan after so long apart relaxes Luhan. Wufan still makes his heart skip beats even when he’s pale, sweaty, and somewhat gross. There is a great chance that Wufan hasn’t bathed properly in days and smells like a gym locker, but Luhan still thinks he’s beautiful. This unkempt, grubby version of Wufan takes away the veneer Luhan placed on him and slowly polished since they first met. He no longer looks overly refined and Luhan’s no longer blinded by the mystique that Wufan once carried. Luhan thinks he likes the normal version of Wufan better than the one he had built up in his mind, the one he refused to see for what he really was, a struggling man working hard to survive and get through school. 

As Luhan moves the compress across Wufan’s cheek, the sickly male forces his eyes open and squints due to the afternoon light shining in through the blinds. “Luhan,” he says, voice cracking and rough. “Is it really you?”

Luhan shushes him and continues wiping his face. “You should sleep.”

“Luhan? Don’t leave me.” He has another coughing fit and Luhan offers him some water, which Wufan drinks gratefully. It soothes him, but not as much as Luhan’s presence.

“I won’t. I’m right here.” Luhan rubs Wufan’s chest gently, unable to do more for him. Wufan takes the opportunity to grab Luhan’s hand, holding it to his chest as he gazes up bleary eyed and disoriented. Luhan’s hand is the greatest comfort Wufan’s felt since he fell ill days ago. The cool, soft hand he’s grown used to holding over time brings familiarity back into his life as he clutches it again and sets things back on track because everything’s been off-kilter since Luhan disappeared.

“I missed you,” Wufan says before drifting back to sleep.

“Yeah, me too.” Luhan genuinely smiles for the first time since he found out Wufan’s secret because this feels right. Even though it’s going to take some time for him to fully accept Wufan’s previous career and his best friend, Luhan figures he can forgive Wufan if they start being honest with one another because the being lied to part hurts him more than Wufan actually working as a pornstar. Of course he hates seeing and knowing that Wufan performed those actions, but after speaking with Yixing he thinks he can understand why Wufan did it, even if he doesn’t fully agree that Wufan selling his body was the best course of action for him to take in his time of need. Luhan doesn’t think he can handle leaving Wufan again and it scares him how much he loves Wufan.

While Luhan nurses Wufan back to health, they talk and while talking they make up with one another. Many apologies pass between them, both finding faults in their actions and feeling equally guilty at not being honest with each other. They’re cautious around one another because Wufan’s afraid of hurting Luhan more than he already has and Luhan doesn’t want to seem inconsiderate to Wufan’s difficult past.

Wufan is the first to alter the moves to this tango they’ve been dancing for over a week. He’s tired of the distance between him and Luhan. He can’t stand not being able to comfortably pull him into a hug without feeling guilty or worried. He can see they are both struggling with the situation, which shouldn’t be happening because Luhan’s seems to have forgiven him already and things should be turning back to normal.

In an attempt to regain their closeness, Wufan surprises Luhan by clearing a space in the living room and setting up a small picnic on the floor. He’s not great at cooking, so he’s provided a lot of finger foods that Luhan likes to snack on. He doesn’t think they’ll do a lot of eating anyways, if everything goes as planned. He’s put on a compilation CD of Luhan’s own arrangements, turning the volume low to set the mood. Candles are lit around the room, just another cheesy device used to mellow out the atmosphere.

When Luhan enters the apartment after class and finds Wufan waiting for him in the dimly lit living room, he can’t stop smiling. He thinks the whole set up is cheesy, but he likes the stereotypical picnic. Wufan wastes no time in pulling Luhan down on the cushion beside him, wrapping an arm around his waist and giving him a welcome home kiss.

“What’s all this about?” he asks.

“I just wanted to do something nice for you.” Wufan offers him a white-chocolate covered strawberry. “Do you like it?”

Luhan nods and hums as he takes a bite out of his sweet and juicy treat.

“Is it that good?” Wufan asks curiously.

Luhan nods again closing his eyes, savoring the taste. Unable to resist, Wufan leans in for a kiss, wanting a taste as well. Swiping his tongue across Luhan’s, he tastes the ruminants of strawberry and chocolate. This is probably the most intimate moment they’ve had since they reunited and Wufan wants more than just one taste. He’s starving for a more of Luhan, for his touch, his scent, his sounds. Wufan’s hungry for it all and Luhan isn’t resisting because he’s secretly just as hungry.

Grabbing another strawberry, Luhan presses it to Wufan’s mouth, watching as the tip slips past his lips getting halfway in before Wufan takes a bite. Licking his lips, Luhan moves in for a taste of Wufan mixed with strawberry and chocolate. He thinks this one tastes even more delicious than the first.

For the third kiss, they pass on the food opting for a purer kiss, one full of their own tastes. Somewhere in all the commotion, they find time to devour most of the food between kisses before dancing into the bedroom and reacquainting their bodies thoroughly. The bed is finally being used for something other than sleeping, getting a workout of it’s own as it creaks beneath Wufan and Luhan’s bodies moving together rhythmically. Luhan’s pleasured cries hit Wufan’s ears like a well-known lullaby, singing him into a dream-like ecstasy. His years as Kris pay off in that he can skillfully please Luhan into a crumbling mess of “yeses” and “mores” and “oh gods” all paired with his name.

When they finally finish, Luhan’s lying on top of Wufan’s chest sweaty and spent. He’s a bit hungry after their lovemaking, which causes him to think of the culprit to this whole ordeal. “We should get some more of those strawberries,” he says, hugging Wufan’s torso. “I swear they must be an aphrodisiac or something because what just happened was completely…”

“Incredible,” Wufan finishes, trailing his fingers down Luhan’s spine and clutching his waist with his large hands. “I’ve really missed you, Luhan.”

Even though they’ve been living together, eating together, and sleeping in the same bed together, Luhan knows what Wufan means because things clearly haven’t been the same between them, but that’s to be expected considering everything they’ve went through recently. “I missed you too,” Luhan says, kissing Wufan on the left side of his chest, right above his heart. “I really missed you.”

They stay like that for the rest of the night, basking in the glow of their recommencement. Their relationship isn’t perfect and they still have a lot to learn about one another, but Luhan’s sure of one thing, being with Wufan definitely isn’t a mistake, Kris included.



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krishan! finally I found krishan fic and it's good! kkk~ well I won't imagine wufan and yixing being pornstar ._. but it's good, really. imagining how luhan loves wufan so much that it hurt him so much when he watched the video~

I debated on couples and KrisHan just seemed perfect for this. lol...you sound like Luhan not wanting to believe Wufan is a pornstar, but that's okay. I'm glad you liked KrisHan's love. <3

D'AAAAWWWWWWWWW!
That was SO adorable<3
/puking rainbows

/throws you a unicorn to go with your rainbows/

Thanks for reading @__@

me love it......
I like Lulu character....

Well thank you and Lulu is precious T_T

im cryin this is so sweet

/gives tissue/ Thanks for reading :D

great story =)
this world needs more Kris/Luhan yeah?
and I think it is Xiumin not Xuimin?

Thanks and yes...we definitely need more Kris/Luhan. I like seeing them together :D
And I'm sure I checked his name, I usually switch letters without knowing so thanks for pointing it out ^__^

Wow...a life of a porn star is really not easy. Juggling both lives and making sure none of them clashed is even harder. Hmmm....but I'm really glad Luhan listens to Xiumin's talk session because as stupid as it sounds, it always works. Lay is so nice in here, makes me love him oh so much. And Luhan's return cured the illness in a flash.

All and all...the sex with Wufan must be hot though. Hehe...

I had no idea where I was going with I started writing this, I just knew Wufan was a pornstar and was keeping it from Luhan. I'm thinking of writing this from Wufan's POV to see what he went through....
Oh...I just had to make Xiumin the voice of reason for Luhan. And Lay just seems really easy going and sweet and how could anyone not like him even if he is Kris's pornstar partner O_O

All and all...the sex with Wufan must be hot though. Hehe...
^^OMG...YES! I'm glad you got that...

Ohmygod where has this piece of sweet wonderfulness been all my life? I know it's actually me who never got the chance to read through the LJ friend entries but yeah
This is so, so good! The plot, the way the characters are in this story, everything! On top of that, there's KrAy OTP okay I'm shameless I know my bad sorry
I really thought the ending was going to be bad but hah, I was fooled .___. and you, oh dear fic owner, are awesome for that. Tbh I am so going to read this again. And again. And again. And......
Love your work! :)

Lol...hello dear! It's been a while.

I'm glad you had a chance to read this. I see you like EXO...I'm slowly getting obsessed just a bit >< And OMG...I adore KrAy but at the same time I like KrisYeol and then I like KrisHan and then LayHan and UGH...EXO are all just whores anyways so they can all just be with each other. -____-;; I'm thinking of working on another KrAy fic...just short one, but IDK

I thought about making the ending be a XiuHan but I wanted KrisHan to work out and Luhan just seems like a very understanding and forgiving person and this whole thing just had a mind of its own.

Oh dear reader...you give me too much praise. I'm happy you like it so much though. Thanks for reading, as always <333

Hiiiii! :D
Yeah, I'm a biiiit obsessed with them. Just a bit, I swear I'm okay don't worry XD especially EXO M. That sexy giant unff is he even human, Kris .__.
I like KrisYeol, too! Imo they're cute what with Chanyeol being the happy virus but KrAy oooh hot damn, so sexy~ I don't know why but that's just me.
Another KrAy? DO IT!........please? I'll definitely read it :)
And you're mostly welcome <3

OMG OMG...I know how you feel! For some reason, I'm just a bit more obsessed with EXO-M not that I don't love EXO-K...it's just...EXO-M are more sexy than cute or more my age or IDK...I'm just attracted to them!

And Kris...if I stood next to him I would look like a tiny troll .__.

OH...I wrote a shot Kray fic last night...you might have seen it maybe not...I wanted it short but it could have definitely been longer...anyways...I hope you like it :D

I still have lingering Kray feels in me T_T I shouldn't be obsessing over these guys

(Deleted comment)
YAY for your first KrisHan! I'm glad you liked it <3
Thanks so much for reading :D

So Wufab still does porn with Yixing, right? Except he doesn't get paid. Luhan, let Wufan still do porn YIXING NEEDS MONEY~

LOL...I'm not sure if he went back to doing porn with Yixing...I'd like to think Luhan eventually said it was okay and I'm sure Luhan and Yixing became friends at some point because who can resist Yixing :D

I just read this. and I love it soo much!! It's so hard to find Krishan fanfic & Im glad I found this fic :) I just love the fluff in here. So cute~

So sweet!!!!!
Can i have a go :) Translate this into Vietnamese :) Plz reply ASAP :))))

it feels great to read this! XD
i love it!

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